Major Writing 1 Review
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Main Speech #1 Commercial
Commercial: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whYvzjwGTe8 The commercial featured was a 2018 ad for McDonald's around Christmastime that was set up to promote a new, limited product that the franchise was selling, which I thought was very effective. Upon first glimpse, the commercial seems very well put together, as if it is straight out of an animated movie. Some emotion is felt when the reindeer whimper, looking for something to eat. When Santa Claus comes to the realization that his hardworking reindeer are tired and hungry, Santa stops at a nearby McDonald's to get their new "Reindeer Treats," which are carrots that are offered with Kids Meals. The commercial has an emotional appeal set up to make the viewers feel something when they watch it, which better helps to remember it and the McDonald's franchise attributed to it. The target audience seems to specifically be children who would be a part of the majority of people who would buy the product. I noticed t...
At first glance, this paper is well-organized and covered most perspectives for academic and non-academic sides. Although some problems occurred in the paper, the general quality of the paper is not far from perfect.
ReplyDeleteFirst thing u can improve is to use third person view rather than using “I”. For example, in first paragraph, “I, for one, did not realize...”, u can switch “I, for one, did not realize that” into “Students who study computer science disagree that”
Another small problem occurred in the second paragraph where u mentioned that academic and non-academic have some aspects in common which are sharing same visual elements and others. If I were u I would giving examples about visual elements usages later in the article about both academic and non-academic CS articles. By doing that, those examples would further explain the similarities between them.
Last problem is located in “structure” section in academic writing. At the start of this section, u provided us with the main structure of CS paper: “ample information”, “present their methods and goals” and “discuss any results in the conclusion”. However, u didn’t explain any of them in the following two paragraphs. Although u explained why this structure is effective, but I think maybe more explanations about what each one stand for and giving out examples on them would be better.
When I first saw your paper it was well organized and it seems like you got the format pretty good. You did a really good job using your academic and non-academic sources.
DeleteIn all honesty I did not find many mistakes besides you do use I a lot but thats not huge of a deal. Another thing I saw is that you say "After researching...." A lot maybe use some different words or phrasing.
Overall this paper is near perfect in my opinion. I Think just very small changes then your paper will be great and most likely an A. Good job!